Pregnancy Blog

Follow this blog of my third journey through pregnancy.

http://beebefam.blogspot.com/

Doing what You Love, for the sake of the Kids

I read an article the other day about "doing what you want" that hit me hard in the gut. 

As a parent, I am setting an example for my kids for many things, but I never realised I was setting an example for them regarding their own future careers. I rarely talk to them about what I do, and I probably never tell them how much I "enjoyed" my day at the office. The article talked about how the purpose of all education is to prepare children for the "work place" so that they too can earn a living, contribute to the economy, and support a family. A child does homework and, unless you have a child that just loves homework, they usually think it is boring and they don't like doing - exactly what many adults think about their jobs. If I could teach my kids one valuable life lesson, it would be to do what you love, and through my own current example, I am not setting the correct image. I don't think I can "lie" to them about how much I love what I do, so I think the only solution is to find a way to make my dream a reality in order to show them it can be done, and your future can be doing what you love to do. What's more important, being able to house my kids in a nice suburban neighborhood, and supplying them with modern clothes and lots of toys through a well paying job, or teaching them a valuable life lesson that you will only be happy if you stick to your goals and do what makes you feel good about yourself?

I think it seems only obvious,.

p.2 WPCWG

So, the question is, at what point do you say enough is enough? Do you have to do something drastic like a leap of faith in order to do what YOU  want and go for it? Or do you stay practical and keep doing what is already working and is even making you successful.

I have a full time job that is stable and provides for my family. I even graduated with a degree to make myself more valuable. BUT, what I do, is not what I have any sort of passion for. I do not find any fullfillment or happiness in my job . However, I don't hate it either because it is challenging and I've been to lead to believe that I'm pretty darn good at it too. I try sometimes to shut down my thoughts that second guess my career and just focus on doing my job, but the dream never fails to resurface. Each time it resurfaces with a sting, and a force stronger than before.

I vision myself  with my own store: A store full of my own creations...mostly furniture that I've remodeled, painted, decoupaged, etc., and other artistic creations I can only daydream about. I think of how awesome it would be to make my own schedule - to have complete control over my day. I think about how I can dress to my liking, expose my tattoos, and have any color hair that I want. I could be myself. Completely %100 ME.  I can design the interior of the store, I can sell items online, and I could even go to specific stores and show them portfolios of items I know they would love to showcase. I reach this high during my vision that motivates me and gets my blood pumping to start right then and right now, but then.....I began to second guess my abilities. Do I really have the talent? Can I really make a living off of this type of career? Is it practical in this economy?  My doubt and my fears take over and I force myself to remember what I already have achieved and the needs of my family and then I decide that this goal is not for me. My thoughts take me back to a time when I was unemployed for a period of barely a month and during that time I thought I'd be able to begin this "dream." I didn't do a darn thing. I couldn't create anything,...I couldn't do it. I panicked and immediately started searching for a job back in the legal field. And here I am today, two years later, still obsessing over my so called "goal" that seems entirely out of reach.

When Priorities conflict with Goals

I find it more and more difficult to find a balance between my priorities and my goals. My priorities include the following:

- Spending time with my family
- Providing for my family (financially)
- Leading a healthy/active life style (and encouraging my kids and husband to do so as well)
- Involveing myself in extracurricular artistic activities that make me happy (i.e. photography, painting, drawing)

While these priorities seem simple, I find my goals suffering...

I have a goal to use my artistic abilities and create items to sell via online store. This goal comes from an undying belly burning fire that never ceases to be put out. It's like, until I do this I will never be fullfilled or satisfied with myself. But, this goal not only takes a serious amount of time, but also money. It all comes down to time management. When I am working full time, between the time I leave the house in the morning to the time I walk back in the door,  I've lost about 9.5 hours of my day. I literally have about 2 hours to cook dinner, eat, put away dinner, spend time with the family, and then put the kids to bed (usually by about 8:30). Come 8:30 and I need to spend some time with my husband, hence, pure exhaustion sets in by 9:30, and I'm in bed asleep no later than 10:00 p.m.

(to be continued)

Life in the Day

If you were me, this is what an average week day would look like:

2:00 a.m. - Pump for 15 minutes
5:30 a.m. - Pump for 15 minutes - Get ready for work
6:30 a.m. - Wake up Trinity get her ready for school
7:00 a.m. - Wake up Presley, if not up already, get him ready for daycare
7:15 a.m. - Pump for 5-10 minutes
7:30/35 a.m. - Leave and take kids to daycare
8:15 a.m. - Arrive at work
9:30 a.m. - Pump for 15 minutes
12:30 p.m. - Pump for 15 minutes/eat lunch
3:30 p.m. - Pump for 15 minutes
5:00 p.m. - Leave work
5:30 p.m. - Pick up kids from daycare
5:45/6 - Arrive at home - Pump for 15 minutes/or Nurse
6-7 p.m. - Cook and eat dinner
7:30 - Nurse and put Presley to Bed
8:00 - put Trinity to bed
9:00 - Pump for 15 minutes
9:30/10 - PASS OUT

SO, if I don't answer your call, or don't respond to your text, I'm probably busy :)

Stop the Pop!

I've been reading articles upon articles upon articles about how BAD diet soda is. And for the most part the conclusions are based on scientific research. The connection to cancer is still somewhat a controversy, but many articles argue that within the next decade Aspartame will be linked to cancer.

Similarily, when I read about the harmful effects of meat, the more I read about it, the more disgusted I became hence making it easier to make the decision to stop eating it. Here are some of the top reasons that are making me question my diet soda crave:

1. Artificial Sweeteners Make You Crave Sweets:

A study released by Purdue University concluded that rats on diets containing the artificial sweetener saccharin gained more weight than rats given sugary food. the rats whose diets contained artificial sweeteners appeared to experience a physiological connection between sweet tastes and calories, which drove them to overeat.

When our taste buds taste sweet, but there are no calories to follow, the brain signals the craving for that sweet sensation. (Hence my addiction to Diet Coke with a nice donut to follow...ah ha!)

Now, I'm not a huge soda drinker, but I do like to enjoy, on average, one can per day (that's as long as we don't have a box of it at home). I also like to have one cup of coffee in the morning. Between the two, I probably drink more caffeine that I should.

2.  Diet Soda contains an Acidity Level Close to the levels of Battery Acid

IT'S TRUE. The inside of our mouth contains a natural pH level of 7.0. Battery Acid contains a pH level of 1.0. Diet Coke is at level 3.36!!! However regular Dr. Pepper tops the charts by having a pH level of 2.92...the closest yet to Battery Acid.

In case you're wondering WHY this is so bad, here's a (subtle) picture of acid erosion on your TEETH:



Gross.

Trinity's Birth...A 3 Day Blur

I love my daughter. She's everything I could possibly hope for and she gets more amazing every day.  She lights up this family in a way I never could have anticipated. I have regrets on how she was brought into this world, but I know at the time, it was the best I could do.

Trinity was due on September 26, 2006. Labor began on Friday, September 28 in the a.m. hours.  At the time, we lived in Los Osos and I was at home by myself in our apartment. That weekend happened to be the same weekend my dad was in town from Fresno doing a century ride on highway 1.  The entire pregnancy with Trinity had been very uneventful...no complications, no surprises, just a 50 lbs weight gain on my end (and Chris too, lol), but otherwise 100% healthy. 

Chris was at work, so the first person I called was my Mom. She was in Fresno, but as soon as I told her I was having contractions, she freaked out and did everything she could to leave immediately. In fact, when she went to fill her gas tank, she was in such a flurry that she left the gas station with the pump still in her tank! She told me to call my Dad and have him get to the apartment as soon as he could. Unfortunately, "as fast as you can" doesn't mean much when you're on a bicycle and have been riding for 4 or 5 hours already. Nevertheless, he arrived at the apartment around noon. I can't recall the intensity at this point, but I think I was more scared than anything. I was barely 20 years old, and about to become a Mother. I also remember that the contractions were nothing like I imagined them to feel like. The pain was centered in my lower back and no where near my stomach. I had not read much about back labor, so I didn't realise what I was in for.

My Dad took me to the hospital (Chris was still working) mid-afternoon so we could find out if I was indeed in labor and that everything was ok. I was hooked up to the monitors and described to them what I was feeling and where. No one said anything to me that what I was feeling was back labor.  But, the nurse DID tell me that I wasn't dilating and that I should leave and come back when the contractions were at least 5 minutes apart and more intense.

I was severely disappointed. I was ready for that baby to come out! and I was done being pregnant!

My Dad and I drove back to Los Osos, and I'm pretty sure that I had to hold back years. Once my Mom got there, and Chris got home, we all decided to walk to the Mexican Restaurant down the street for dinner. I remember walking with my Mom, ever so slowly, and clenching my teeth whenever I got a contraction. We all sat down and within minutes my Mom was telling the waitress that I was currently in labor and that we might have to leave at any minute. The waitress mentioned she was CPR certified in case we would need her...For what? I don't know. I ordered a burrito, added lots of hot sauce, and gradually worked my way through about half of it.  I was ready to go back home. I was tired and knew I should rest, if possible.

Turns out that trying to sleep while your in labor is not easy, no matter how tired you are.  I struggled so much that I couldn't make it through the night. I woke up Chris in the early a.m. (2 or 3) and told him to call our doctor because the contractions were intense enough that I couldn't sleep and was absolutely miserable.

We drove to the hospital and told them that I needed something to help me sleep until labor kicked into higher gear. I was given Morphine. Now, the point was to help me rest and take the edge off the pain. Well, the pain decreased, and I was much more relaxed, but sleep....did not happen. I layed there trying to sleep for hhooouuuuurssssss!!! When I started to get close to sleep, I'd feel the faint twinges of a contraction and it'd wake me right up.

The whole day thereafter is absent in my memory. I have no idea what happened on Saturday, or even Saturday night for that matter! I've waited too long to write this and that's what I get. I'm pretty sure I was given another dosage of Morphine to get through the night though.

Sunday I was given an epidural. I had finally progressed enough that afternoon to "qualify" for one. The epidural was like a gift from God. Other than the fear of being paralyzed from having a needle shoved within inches of my spine, once it was over, it was like nothing could get me down. Hours more went by before my doctor came in and said that it as time to start pushing. "Really? I'm dilated? I can't feel a thing, but ok." That's exactly how I felt. The nurse had to tell me when to push cause all ability to feel was lost. I noticed that right around the time I was ready to push, I started getting chills and shaking. I had a fever, and knew it before the nurses and before my doctor. Right before it was time to start pushing they took my temperature and it was 101. Not dangerously high, but definitely needed to be monitored. Pushing wasn't painful at all. It was more uncomfortable than anything. Chris was holding one leg and I couldn't quite get him in the right position. The nurse on the other side kept moving around and asking me to hold my leg myself periodically. After about 5-8 minutes of pushing they took my temperature again it had jumped over 105. My doctor kept her calm really well, but I could tell that my fever was putting the baby in jeopardy and she needed to get out. I pushed her out in about 15 minutes from start to finish....if you know anything about pushing while on an epidural, 15 minutes is pretty darn good!

Trinity came out very quietly. She was purple! And very slimy! I remember once she came out that I sighed a huge loud sigh of relief. I had done it, she was here, she was alive, and I was still alive, but absolutely exhausted and ready to pass out. I got to hold Trinity and attempted to nurse for about 5 minutes before they took her away to check her out more carefully. She had swallowed meconium and had been exposed to my fever long enough to cause concern and reasoning for a few tests.

She was exactly 9.0lbs and 22 inches. She had bright blue eyes and barely any hair. She was a little doll. Unfortunately she tested positive for an infection in her stomach and I had to stay in the hospital for a week while she was given antibiotics. That week was the longest week of my life! All I wanted was to take my baby home and I couldn't. After 7 additional days however, she was finally cleared and our journey as parents could continue in our quiet Los Osos setting.

Presley's Birth Story...

Presley's birth was the craziest event I've ever experienced. It's now nearly 6 months later that I'm writing his story...better late than never. I also need to recollect Trinity's birth story after this, which may be much more difficult considering I was on a million drugs for hers.

August 8, 2010 (Sunday) - 3 days past my due date

Sunday afternoon (between 1 and 2pm) my Mother and I took a walk around the block with Trinity in the double stroller (yet occupied by single traveler). It was common for me to have back spasms while on walks, but these felt a little different than usual. VERY subtel and barely recognizable, yet present. I figured that they would sustain as soon as we returned from our walk, as usual, and that nothing would come from it.

We returned from our walk and like I thought, the spasms seemed to halt as soon as I sat down. My mother left and I decided to watch TV. Georgianne (my mother-in-law) was staying with us during this time and I believe she was at her sewing machine in the kitchen, Chris was sleeping (he was working night shifts), and Trinity was doing only God knows what (a puzzle I think?). As I settled into the couch, I eventually noticed that I could  feel faint spasms still in my lower back that would come and go at no regular interval, but they were so faint, I could easily ignore one.

But, just in case, I decided to take a shower (it was about 4 or 5 pm by now). I had read many birth stories where women decided to shower in their early stages of labor and to get "ready" for there big moment. I definitely wanted to be more photogenic than I had been with Trinity (I looked like I had been raised from the dead by the time it was over). I took a long shower and did the whole 9 yards...shaved everything I could reach, put lotion on my entire body, blow dried and straightened my hair, and touched up my fingernails, toe nail polish, and make-up (don't judge!).

It was during the time I was straightening my hair that I realised the spasms were starting to become more regular, regular enough to make me believe this was going to be it.

I double checked our bags, and waited for Chris to wake-up. I honestly can't even remember what we had for dinner, but I think it was chili...

Around 7  I finally decided to tell Chris. I woke him up and said that I was having continuous back spasm and they weren't going away. He called his boss and told him that he wouldn't be coming into work that night. I was hesitant for Georgianne to find out cause I still wasn't completely positive this was the real thing, and didn't want anyone to be disappointed in case it was a false alarm.

I put Trinity to bed around 8 or 8:30 p.m. The spasms were starting to get even more distracting at that point. I had a hard time reading and had to stop every once in awhile. I decided not to say anything to Trinity, because I wanted to her sleep peacefully (but she didn't when she woke up and realised we were gone).

I can't remember what time what happened after that, but I eventually decided we should watch a movie to keep my mind off of the slow progression. We watched Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. At one point during the movie I stopped feeling the spasms, but I think it was the position I was sitting in. I was starting to get excited at this point, and didn't want the feeling to go away so I was purposely staying in a position that made me feel the pain. I bounced on the exercise ball for awhile, did some stretching, and drank lots of water.

We called the doctor after the movie and told him the status (5 minutes apart for the last couple of hours). He said it sounded like early labor still and it was up to us whether we wanted to go to the hospital now or later (I believe this was around midnight). Chris did all the talking to the doctor, I was in the zone and didn't want to talk to a doctor I'd never met (our doctor was on vacation). The back spasms (I guess I can start calling them contractions at this point, but it was back labor from the beginning) at this point required much of my attention, but I was able to recover immediately in  between. 

At first we were hesitant for leaving so early because Trinity took 3 days (yes 3!!) and we didn't want to be turned away from the hospital. But, after everything I'd read about second births, and how  much faster they progress, and an intuitive feeling, I decided we should leave.

The drive was difficult, but not awful. It takes about 15 minutes to get to the hospital from our house. From the very get go, the bumps and turns were not very pleasant. I would get very quiet when having a contraction, which drove Chris crazy, but that was how I dealt with the pain...focus. They were still mild, but very consistent about 4 minutes apart.

We arrived at the hospital and went in through the ER. I was wheel chaired to our room and met our first nurse. She hooked me up, checked the baby, and checked me...Only 2cm dilated. I was only slightly surprised, like I said, Trinity took 3 days. She recommended we walk around for at hour and see if I progress, if I dilated more I would be admitted, if I didn't progress, then it was time to go home. Little did we know that within the next two hours, we'd be parents, again.

We did laps around the maternity ward for about 50 minutes. My contractions went from mild to..., "I don't think I can do this without drugs". Chris was an absolute trooper and massaged/pushed my lower back during a contractions as the intensity began to increase. The familiar stabbing and twisting back labor pain was only getting worse with every step I took. We got back to the room, the nurse checked me, and I was between 4 and 5 cm, in 50 minutes!! Let me tell you that laying on your back is the most uncomfortable position ever when your in labor. HORRIBLE! and the nurse kept getting mad at me cause I would want to stand up or bend over to relieve the pain!! Hello!! Needless to say, I was admitted. Chris called his mom and told her we were staying, and I think he sent a text to my mom and my sister. He rushed to get our bags while the nurse also rushed to get me set up for an IV drip to prepare for an Epidural.

I was left alone, by my self, with the worst pain I had experienced yet. It gets slightly fuzzy after this point. I stood up I think most of the time they were gone, and leaned on the rocking chair to soothe during the contractions. My eyes were closed nearly ever time I had a contraction, the lights were bright, the room was dead quiet, and all I could do was stand there and rock. I was just about to burst into tears when Chris came  back and the doctor said she had Stadol if I wanted it. YES PLEASE.  The nurse came in to hook me up to an IV  which she did while I was standing, thank you, and then I had to sign some paperwork for the medications. The nurse hooked me up to the monitors again to check the baby, and...again I was told to stop crouching over cause now the monitors were having a hard time picking up the baby...ok ok. 

The pain at this point was putting me at my breaking point. I was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, and out of no where, my entire body lifted and did like a "wave" if you will.  I think I said something like, "Oh my GOD my body just pushed!". I stood up, and then I peed, haha, and my water broke, just a tinkling, and I said "I think I just peed!".

Time for another check. On my back, not again.....I closed my eyes, put my hands on my lower back and pushed on them into my back as hard as I could while in this position. Not "pushing" for the baby, but pushing my hands into my back to relieve the pain. She checked me and I was FULLY dilated. Goodbye stadol, goodbye epidural, not gonna happen. I almost lost it. I wanted to start sobbing and was in so much pain! I can't even describe the shock of knowing that I was gonna have to do this on my own, without drugs, which was what I wanted, but NOT AT THIS PRICE. Back labor is the WORST. My body once again did the "wave" and get this, the nurse says, "Don't Push! The doctor isn't here yet!". Um, ok, I did  my best not to push, but REALLY? She told me to start taking short breaths and breath through the contractions without pushing...that lasted for...one minute..then....hello the baby is crowning!!! I was on by back which was the LAST position I wanted to be in, but I was in too much pain to  move. My legs were being held by Chris  and the NURSE was down there about to deliver my baby! She gave me the go ahead to start pushing which I probably didn't do for more than a couple of minutes before the baby's head was out. Then the panic set in.  The nurse looked at me straight in the eye and said, "Melissa, you need to push NOW," and then Chris said, "Push, babe, push! You need to push!" I took a deep breath and just pushed with all my might! 

(I wasn't aware at the time, but Chris said that the nurse was pulling on his head and he just wouldn't come out!)

And then he was here, on my belly. Bright blue and crying a beautiful cry. His lungs were suctioned and the nurses cleaned him off while he lay there. And all the pain was gone, like nothing had happened. Chris cut the umbilical cord, we wrapped him up and he instantly started nursing. He was beautiful. Full head of hair, eyes wide open, looking right at me. I was bursting with cheer!

10 minutes later the doctor shows up. "Couldn't wait for me?" he asked. Very funny. He delivered the placenta, and said I didn't need any stitches. He cleaned me up and that was that. Presley nursed for about 15 minutes and then the nurses took him to clean him up some more. He weighed 9 lbs 8 oz! Big boy! and was 22.5 inches long.

He wiggled around a lot while he was being weighed and then she cleaned him up some more. The nurse got a little waterfall in the face at this time, haha (that's for pulling on his neck!!). By the time he was diapered and clothed under the heat lamp, he was fast asleep.

I felt wonderful afterwards. I was alert, in minimal pain, and in disbelief of how fast it all happened. We were admitted at 1:00 a.m., and he was born just before 3:00 a.m. He just couldn't wait to meet his parents!

Life in the Fast Lane

At the age of 24, I'm a wife, mother of two, homeowner of two years, and full-time paralegal. My life is a blur most of the time between work and taking care of my family. Accomplishments and milestones of my family are being bypassed, forgetten, buried, and unrecorded. Halt! and enjoy the scenerey...Behold my collections that would never have otherwise been shared, but instead would be lost and drowed out in the swarm of busy busy bees we've become.