Pregnancy Blog

Follow this blog of my third journey through pregnancy.

http://beebefam.blogspot.com/

Doing what You Love, for the sake of the Kids

I read an article the other day about "doing what you want" that hit me hard in the gut. 

As a parent, I am setting an example for my kids for many things, but I never realised I was setting an example for them regarding their own future careers. I rarely talk to them about what I do, and I probably never tell them how much I "enjoyed" my day at the office. The article talked about how the purpose of all education is to prepare children for the "work place" so that they too can earn a living, contribute to the economy, and support a family. A child does homework and, unless you have a child that just loves homework, they usually think it is boring and they don't like doing - exactly what many adults think about their jobs. If I could teach my kids one valuable life lesson, it would be to do what you love, and through my own current example, I am not setting the correct image. I don't think I can "lie" to them about how much I love what I do, so I think the only solution is to find a way to make my dream a reality in order to show them it can be done, and your future can be doing what you love to do. What's more important, being able to house my kids in a nice suburban neighborhood, and supplying them with modern clothes and lots of toys through a well paying job, or teaching them a valuable life lesson that you will only be happy if you stick to your goals and do what makes you feel good about yourself?

I think it seems only obvious,.

p.2 WPCWG

So, the question is, at what point do you say enough is enough? Do you have to do something drastic like a leap of faith in order to do what YOU  want and go for it? Or do you stay practical and keep doing what is already working and is even making you successful.

I have a full time job that is stable and provides for my family. I even graduated with a degree to make myself more valuable. BUT, what I do, is not what I have any sort of passion for. I do not find any fullfillment or happiness in my job . However, I don't hate it either because it is challenging and I've been to lead to believe that I'm pretty darn good at it too. I try sometimes to shut down my thoughts that second guess my career and just focus on doing my job, but the dream never fails to resurface. Each time it resurfaces with a sting, and a force stronger than before.

I vision myself  with my own store: A store full of my own creations...mostly furniture that I've remodeled, painted, decoupaged, etc., and other artistic creations I can only daydream about. I think of how awesome it would be to make my own schedule - to have complete control over my day. I think about how I can dress to my liking, expose my tattoos, and have any color hair that I want. I could be myself. Completely %100 ME.  I can design the interior of the store, I can sell items online, and I could even go to specific stores and show them portfolios of items I know they would love to showcase. I reach this high during my vision that motivates me and gets my blood pumping to start right then and right now, but then.....I began to second guess my abilities. Do I really have the talent? Can I really make a living off of this type of career? Is it practical in this economy?  My doubt and my fears take over and I force myself to remember what I already have achieved and the needs of my family and then I decide that this goal is not for me. My thoughts take me back to a time when I was unemployed for a period of barely a month and during that time I thought I'd be able to begin this "dream." I didn't do a darn thing. I couldn't create anything,...I couldn't do it. I panicked and immediately started searching for a job back in the legal field. And here I am today, two years later, still obsessing over my so called "goal" that seems entirely out of reach.

When Priorities conflict with Goals

I find it more and more difficult to find a balance between my priorities and my goals. My priorities include the following:

- Spending time with my family
- Providing for my family (financially)
- Leading a healthy/active life style (and encouraging my kids and husband to do so as well)
- Involveing myself in extracurricular artistic activities that make me happy (i.e. photography, painting, drawing)

While these priorities seem simple, I find my goals suffering...

I have a goal to use my artistic abilities and create items to sell via online store. This goal comes from an undying belly burning fire that never ceases to be put out. It's like, until I do this I will never be fullfilled or satisfied with myself. But, this goal not only takes a serious amount of time, but also money. It all comes down to time management. When I am working full time, between the time I leave the house in the morning to the time I walk back in the door,  I've lost about 9.5 hours of my day. I literally have about 2 hours to cook dinner, eat, put away dinner, spend time with the family, and then put the kids to bed (usually by about 8:30). Come 8:30 and I need to spend some time with my husband, hence, pure exhaustion sets in by 9:30, and I'm in bed asleep no later than 10:00 p.m.

(to be continued)

Life in the Day

If you were me, this is what an average week day would look like:

2:00 a.m. - Pump for 15 minutes
5:30 a.m. - Pump for 15 minutes - Get ready for work
6:30 a.m. - Wake up Trinity get her ready for school
7:00 a.m. - Wake up Presley, if not up already, get him ready for daycare
7:15 a.m. - Pump for 5-10 minutes
7:30/35 a.m. - Leave and take kids to daycare
8:15 a.m. - Arrive at work
9:30 a.m. - Pump for 15 minutes
12:30 p.m. - Pump for 15 minutes/eat lunch
3:30 p.m. - Pump for 15 minutes
5:00 p.m. - Leave work
5:30 p.m. - Pick up kids from daycare
5:45/6 - Arrive at home - Pump for 15 minutes/or Nurse
6-7 p.m. - Cook and eat dinner
7:30 - Nurse and put Presley to Bed
8:00 - put Trinity to bed
9:00 - Pump for 15 minutes
9:30/10 - PASS OUT

SO, if I don't answer your call, or don't respond to your text, I'm probably busy :)

Stop the Pop!

I've been reading articles upon articles upon articles about how BAD diet soda is. And for the most part the conclusions are based on scientific research. The connection to cancer is still somewhat a controversy, but many articles argue that within the next decade Aspartame will be linked to cancer.

Similarily, when I read about the harmful effects of meat, the more I read about it, the more disgusted I became hence making it easier to make the decision to stop eating it. Here are some of the top reasons that are making me question my diet soda crave:

1. Artificial Sweeteners Make You Crave Sweets:

A study released by Purdue University concluded that rats on diets containing the artificial sweetener saccharin gained more weight than rats given sugary food. the rats whose diets contained artificial sweeteners appeared to experience a physiological connection between sweet tastes and calories, which drove them to overeat.

When our taste buds taste sweet, but there are no calories to follow, the brain signals the craving for that sweet sensation. (Hence my addiction to Diet Coke with a nice donut to follow...ah ha!)

Now, I'm not a huge soda drinker, but I do like to enjoy, on average, one can per day (that's as long as we don't have a box of it at home). I also like to have one cup of coffee in the morning. Between the two, I probably drink more caffeine that I should.

2.  Diet Soda contains an Acidity Level Close to the levels of Battery Acid

IT'S TRUE. The inside of our mouth contains a natural pH level of 7.0. Battery Acid contains a pH level of 1.0. Diet Coke is at level 3.36!!! However regular Dr. Pepper tops the charts by having a pH level of 2.92...the closest yet to Battery Acid.

In case you're wondering WHY this is so bad, here's a (subtle) picture of acid erosion on your TEETH:



Gross.

Trinity's Birth...A 3 Day Blur

I love my daughter. She's everything I could possibly hope for and she gets more amazing every day.  She lights up this family in a way I never could have anticipated. I have regrets on how she was brought into this world, but I know at the time, it was the best I could do.

Trinity was due on September 26, 2006. Labor began on Friday, September 28 in the a.m. hours.  At the time, we lived in Los Osos and I was at home by myself in our apartment. That weekend happened to be the same weekend my dad was in town from Fresno doing a century ride on highway 1.  The entire pregnancy with Trinity had been very uneventful...no complications, no surprises, just a 50 lbs weight gain on my end (and Chris too, lol), but otherwise 100% healthy. 

Chris was at work, so the first person I called was my Mom. She was in Fresno, but as soon as I told her I was having contractions, she freaked out and did everything she could to leave immediately. In fact, when she went to fill her gas tank, she was in such a flurry that she left the gas station with the pump still in her tank! She told me to call my Dad and have him get to the apartment as soon as he could. Unfortunately, "as fast as you can" doesn't mean much when you're on a bicycle and have been riding for 4 or 5 hours already. Nevertheless, he arrived at the apartment around noon. I can't recall the intensity at this point, but I think I was more scared than anything. I was barely 20 years old, and about to become a Mother. I also remember that the contractions were nothing like I imagined them to feel like. The pain was centered in my lower back and no where near my stomach. I had not read much about back labor, so I didn't realise what I was in for.

My Dad took me to the hospital (Chris was still working) mid-afternoon so we could find out if I was indeed in labor and that everything was ok. I was hooked up to the monitors and described to them what I was feeling and where. No one said anything to me that what I was feeling was back labor.  But, the nurse DID tell me that I wasn't dilating and that I should leave and come back when the contractions were at least 5 minutes apart and more intense.

I was severely disappointed. I was ready for that baby to come out! and I was done being pregnant!

My Dad and I drove back to Los Osos, and I'm pretty sure that I had to hold back years. Once my Mom got there, and Chris got home, we all decided to walk to the Mexican Restaurant down the street for dinner. I remember walking with my Mom, ever so slowly, and clenching my teeth whenever I got a contraction. We all sat down and within minutes my Mom was telling the waitress that I was currently in labor and that we might have to leave at any minute. The waitress mentioned she was CPR certified in case we would need her...For what? I don't know. I ordered a burrito, added lots of hot sauce, and gradually worked my way through about half of it.  I was ready to go back home. I was tired and knew I should rest, if possible.

Turns out that trying to sleep while your in labor is not easy, no matter how tired you are.  I struggled so much that I couldn't make it through the night. I woke up Chris in the early a.m. (2 or 3) and told him to call our doctor because the contractions were intense enough that I couldn't sleep and was absolutely miserable.

We drove to the hospital and told them that I needed something to help me sleep until labor kicked into higher gear. I was given Morphine. Now, the point was to help me rest and take the edge off the pain. Well, the pain decreased, and I was much more relaxed, but sleep....did not happen. I layed there trying to sleep for hhooouuuuurssssss!!! When I started to get close to sleep, I'd feel the faint twinges of a contraction and it'd wake me right up.

The whole day thereafter is absent in my memory. I have no idea what happened on Saturday, or even Saturday night for that matter! I've waited too long to write this and that's what I get. I'm pretty sure I was given another dosage of Morphine to get through the night though.

Sunday I was given an epidural. I had finally progressed enough that afternoon to "qualify" for one. The epidural was like a gift from God. Other than the fear of being paralyzed from having a needle shoved within inches of my spine, once it was over, it was like nothing could get me down. Hours more went by before my doctor came in and said that it as time to start pushing. "Really? I'm dilated? I can't feel a thing, but ok." That's exactly how I felt. The nurse had to tell me when to push cause all ability to feel was lost. I noticed that right around the time I was ready to push, I started getting chills and shaking. I had a fever, and knew it before the nurses and before my doctor. Right before it was time to start pushing they took my temperature and it was 101. Not dangerously high, but definitely needed to be monitored. Pushing wasn't painful at all. It was more uncomfortable than anything. Chris was holding one leg and I couldn't quite get him in the right position. The nurse on the other side kept moving around and asking me to hold my leg myself periodically. After about 5-8 minutes of pushing they took my temperature again it had jumped over 105. My doctor kept her calm really well, but I could tell that my fever was putting the baby in jeopardy and she needed to get out. I pushed her out in about 15 minutes from start to finish....if you know anything about pushing while on an epidural, 15 minutes is pretty darn good!

Trinity came out very quietly. She was purple! And very slimy! I remember once she came out that I sighed a huge loud sigh of relief. I had done it, she was here, she was alive, and I was still alive, but absolutely exhausted and ready to pass out. I got to hold Trinity and attempted to nurse for about 5 minutes before they took her away to check her out more carefully. She had swallowed meconium and had been exposed to my fever long enough to cause concern and reasoning for a few tests.

She was exactly 9.0lbs and 22 inches. She had bright blue eyes and barely any hair. She was a little doll. Unfortunately she tested positive for an infection in her stomach and I had to stay in the hospital for a week while she was given antibiotics. That week was the longest week of my life! All I wanted was to take my baby home and I couldn't. After 7 additional days however, she was finally cleared and our journey as parents could continue in our quiet Los Osos setting.